


Beware the Ill-named Street Signs of America

by dapatty



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-08
Updated: 2011-09-08
Packaged: 2017-10-23 13:39:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/250896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapatty/pseuds/dapatty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard really should learn not to ask what, especially if there are road signs involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beware the Ill-named Street Signs of America

**Author's Note:**

> Co-authored by [s0ckpupp3t](http://s0ckpupp3t.livejournal.com). Yeah, this road [totally exists](%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Fangboner%E2%80%9D). Beta’d by [](http://sweetmusic-27.livejournal.com/profile)[**sweetmusic_27**](http://sweetmusic-27.livejournal.com/)

“Holy fucking shit!” Frank exclaimed and really that could have covered his reaction to any given number of things ranging from video games to whatever stupid human trick that Dewees could pull off. Gerard, even after all this time, had not trained himself to stop responding.

“What?” Gerard asked then mentally slapped himself. Because really, would he ever learn? Nothing good could come from this. He had a list of examples that he could name for all the times he has asked.

“Fangboner!” Frank declared proudly, grinning with unadulterated glee.

“I’m not following,” Gerard frowned, because anything that ridiculous required clarification.

“That street sign back there totally said Fangboner Road,” Frank explained and promptly giggled like a foolish seven year old that had been told a filthy joke. The little shit laughed the next 20 goddamn miles. He laughed for so long and so hard that Mikey and Dewees stumbled out of their bunks to investigate Ray stopped working on drum loops in the back.

“What did you do to Frankie?” Ray asked, smiling at the giggling little shit and taking the piss out of Gerard.

“I didn’t do anything!” Gerard did his best not to pout. It wasn’t his fault that Frank was a child.

“Fangboner,” Frankie wheezed giggling between each word. “Dude! It was on a street sign.” Giggle, gasp. “An actual street.” Giggle, wheeze. “Named that.”

“No way!” Ray chuckled. “Who puts that shit together?”

“I know! Right!” Frank was grinning and giggling more.

Mikey just smirked at them seemingly fighting his own giggle, while managing the sort of dignity that only Mikey could. Not that he would dispel the situation any, because, well. _Frank_. “Dude.”

They all giggled for a few more minutes, except for Gerard. Because he had standards. Or at least slightly more maturity than a gnat.

“Guys,” Gerard whined. “It’s totally not funny anymore.”

“Actually,” Ray said, “it kinda is.”

This only caused a renewed round of giggles.

“Dudes, inspiration has struck,” Dewees declared and shambled back off. Who knew what he was off to do. Dewees was inexplicable at the best of times.

“I hate you all,” Gerard declared, sounding like a petulant eight year old.

“Ah, don’t be such a Debbie Downer,” Frank chided. He’d stopped giggling, but he was in danger of damaging his face what with all the smiling.

“Let’s play some Left 4 Dead,” Mikey suggested. Finally. Someone with some taste. Gerard thought.

And hour of mindless game violence later, when the conversation lulled, and Gerard had just about forgot about that nonsense earlier, Frank did the unthinkable.

“FANGBONER!!!!” Frank crowed and promptly started giggling again, the giggling was infectious. They were all giggling. Gerard was just about ready to stomp off when Dewees appeared again, notepad in hand upon which were some sketches of a very questionable nature.

“Did you just spend an hour drawing dildos?” Gerard asked in horror before he could tell his stupid fucking mouth to stop. “Horror movie themed dildos?”

“Yes,” Dewees answered, looking stupidly proud and brandishing the designs and explaining before Gerard could shut him up. “See this one is the Fangboner. That is the Frankenboner and that is the Fidoboner. I’m trying to decide if they should all be sparkly, or if we should just have an Edward Fangboner variant.”

“Okay, maybe now it’s gone too far,” Mikey suggested, but he was fighting a smile.

“Let me see,” Frank made grabby hands while giggling. “Tell me the Frankenboner has stitches!” Dewees sat down beside the little fucker and they started listing pros and cons of lengths, widths, glitter, and color ranges.

Gerard threw his hands up and couldn’t decide if he wanted to storm off or join in the discussion. Because dildos shouldn’t have glitter on them. Ever. He was pretty sure of at least that. On the other hand, he’d seen some really nice faintly metallic silicones. Which, okay, technically involved super-micro-glitter, but it was an entirely different effect.

“Hey fangboner, stop flailing,” Frank said at him, smirking like an asshole.

“Did you just use a street name as an epithet?” Gerard was beside himself.

“Well, I certainly wasn’t going to call you douchebag,” Frank explained. “That shit’s degrading.”

“Of course douchebag is degrading,” Gerard was ready to go into full rant mode or something on his feminist soapbox. . Because seriously. He needed coffee if he was going to have to argue Frank logic. It was worse than kid logic at the best of times.

“Fangboner!” Frank cut him off.

Gerard grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at Frank’s head.

“Fangboner! Fangboner! Fangboner!” Frank shouted, dodging and giggling and being a complete and total shit.

“I’m calling Jamia!” Gerard declared and stormed off, ignoring Frank’s protests. Gerard was abruptly certain that this was going to be a theme the rest of the fucking tour, and he wanted to get his whining in while Jamia’s ear was still sympathetic.

...of course, she wound up pointing out several monsters they’d left out of the dildo lineup.


End file.
